Rachel Hollis called me on my BS

So I have something that I’m a bit ashamed to admit… but then I was listening to Rachel Hollis’s new book Girl Stop Apologizing and I thought, “OK time to out myself”

In her new book Rachel is talking about getting fake boobs and loving when she’s all made up with hours worth of makeup. At first I was a bit like, “Wow, this is weird for someone that is talking all about loving who you are.” But then she goes on to explain that she does love herself for who she is and who she is is a person that loves herself with fake eyelashes. Check out Girl, Stop Apologizing.

So now its time to admit something that I’ve been ashamed to admit before. I like being skinny and fit. SHOCKER…not really but most people look at me and think that I look great. What they don’t realize is that I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin. I carry weight really well but when your medical chart says “Well Fed” that is not a compliment.

When I talked to friends about wanting to release weight they all say pretty much the same thing… “You don’t need to. You look great.”

I’ve gotten really good about wearing scarves, shawls and jackets to cover up the fact that I am carrying around an extra 30 lbs. When I tell people this none of them believe me. I am 5’5” on a good day and I weighed 165 lbs when I started this new program that I’m no longer ashamed to tell you about. (Thanks Rachel for your book and your fake boobs)

When I talked to the Executive Director of MedStudio I started out the conversation like this, “ I want to do something but I know you might want to roll your eyes at me.” She’s a friend and I know that she loves me just the way that I am. She was surprised when I told her how much I actually weighed. I also want to be clear that the number on the scale means almost nothing it is just a tool to use. The important part is how I actually feel. I know that my body actually feels its best between 133-137lbs. That is a completely healthy weight at my height. 165 for me means belly fat, clothes that don’t fit right, and struggling with high cholesterol. I have a family history of heart disease and cancer. I am also recovering from an eating disorder I had as a teenager, so for me it is important that I keep on the positive side of self-image.

So what is so hard to admit?…

I started the HCG diet.

The person that is TERRIFIED of needles learned to give herself a shot in her belly every morning. The person that LOVES food (food is love people) has learned to live on 650-775 calories a day… EXTREME I know… but here is the deal, I’m only doing this for 1 month.

Here is the cool stuff that I’m learning from this experiment so far: I eat when I’m bored, when I’m stressed, upset, happy, bored, frustrated, bored…etc. I have let food dictate my actions and I was out of control. Doing this program, I am learning control. I’m learning that I really can live without the donuts that are sitting on the counter or the 600 calorie Blueberry muffin. Holy crap that is almost my full daily number of calories right there!

I’m also exercising, drinking more water, eating healthy choices and learning to love veggies without all the dips and dressings (It can be done!) I’m using my “Love Your Body” emotional weight release support rollers. (Thank you Angela Villa)

Why am I admitting this? Because I want to be real about my weight release journey. I’ve done these journey’s before and have lost 10-12 lbs but the problem is what is lost can often be found and then some. Can we say yo-yo? Been there, done that.

I am ready to release, trust my body, and love myself. I also know myself. I need a bit of accountability and the more people that know the more people that can check in on me. The other reason… I teach people all day about doing things naturally. I can already hear the criticism from some people and I want you to know that yes, I am still using my oils but sometimes you need just a little something more.

AND this is still natural! For more info about HCG please check out www.medstudio.com

My numbers so far are VERY encouraging!

I will keep you all updated throughout my journey. What could be better that that?